Shame Archives - Seeking God with Jaime Wiebel

Who Will Bear My Shame? Part 3

Jaime Wiebel — Mon, 30 Mar 2015 03:38:00 +0000

Please Read Who Will Bear My Shame Part 1 and Who Will BearMy Shame Part 2?

When I last left you, I was at the beginning of my marriage
and the baggage that I had brought with me was beginning to weigh me down. I
had this really amazing man and I felt like I had very little to offer him. I
loved him very much but that didn’t seem to be enough.

One day it happened, crumpled up in a ball, I collapsed
before my Lord and King in utter shame. The weight of my life came crashing
down on me and I had no choice but to face it. I fell on my bed and began
sobbing uncontrollably. I began crying out to God, “I am so sorry, I am so
sorry. Please forgive me for all that I have done against you. I am so ashamed.”
I begged over and over for Him to forgive me.
As I laid there crying, I didn’t know what else to do besides open my
Bible and begin to seek out some relief.

I now realize He was slowly revealing Himself to me and as I
was begging for forgiveness this is what He was showing me.

He held up my head
and said, “Child, I already forgave you.” I didn’t understand. I said how is
this possible my list is so long? How can you bear it?

He said, as I set out for Jerusalem, I knew what I was
doing. I held your list in my hand and with my face to the ground, I prayed for
my Father to take this cup from my hand. He reminded what I was holding onto. I
knew there was no other way. As I was betrayed with a kiss and arrested, I made
sure I didn’t let go. When all of my followers abandoned me, I didn’t waiver
for a moment.

As I was dragged from
the high priest to the governor, I made sure that I that your list was in my
grips. As they began spitting and slapping me in my face, I knew I had to take
this one for you. When they tore my clothes from me and replaced it with a
purple robe and a crown of thorns and began mocking me, I knew you would
someday understand.

When they tied me to the post and began beating me in the
head with a stick, I made sure to take every blow and to never let go of your
list that I had carried all this way with me. As the morning continued on and I
began to walk to the place they call The Skull, I made sure that no matter how
hard it was going to be to carry that cross and your list, I would do both.
When the cross became too heavy, it dropped me to the ground but I had clenched
your list I brought with me.

As I walked the rocky path to Calvary’s Hill, I knew you
would someday come back to me. When they laid me there on the cross and began
to nail my hands and feet to the rugged wood, I felt every blow of the hammer
but I held on tight.

As they mocked and ridiculed me, I knew you would face the
same. My heart broke for you and for all who were watching. I cried out, “Father,
forgive them for they know not what they do.” Just the same as I do today.

As they raised the cross my blood began to drip down your
list that I took with me on that day. With each drop, your list became less
visible to Me and to My Father until the blood soaked page was wiped completely
clean.

With my last breath, I gave one last shout for you and for
the whole world to hear, “It is finished,” because I had given the world all they
would ever need to be with me in paradise. At that moment, I opened my blood
clinched hand and your list blew as far as the east is to the west.

So you ask if I will forgive you darling girl, I already
have. Now it is your turn to forgive yourself.

I cried out, my Lord,
I don’t deserve your grace. He said, nobody does but the debt has been paid.
You just have to believe and to trust that it was meant for you.

The Good News is this. Now when I stand before my Lord, I
don’t have to bow my head in shame. I don’t have to trudge to His feet with my
heavy load. With arms spread wide, He took it all. Today, I can stand before my
Father and bow my head as a redeemed and righteous daughter of a King.

Dear Friends, there is power in the cross. The power to heal
the broken-hearted, the power to forgive, the power to be completely redeemed.
The amazing thing is, it was all for us. There is nothing we can do to add to
the grace that Christ poured out on us at the cross.

Crucifixion was meant to be painful and humiliating. Christ
took that so we don’t have to. For our relationship with God to be restored, there
had to be a perfect sacrifice. Jesus was the only One who could be the perfect
sacrifice, being One with no sin. Now God can see us in a new way because
through Christ we are redeemed. Through Christ we are made whole. Through
Christ we are made new.

So now you are faced with one thing, a choice. The choice to
believe what Christ did on the cross was for you or to turn it down.

Christ died with two criminals on either side of Him. On one
side a criminal who, in his brief time with Christ, realized who He was and
realized He was the only One that was going to save him at that point. He
recognized that he wasn’t worthy of being saved but saw the innocence of Jesus
as he hung on the cross.

On the other side was a criminal who made the choice to mock
and taunt Jesus, saying if you are The Son of God, then save us. Even in his
final moments of life, he didn’t recognize that he didn’t deserve it. He wanted a quick way out.

Christ recognized the heart of the changed criminal and assured
him, today, you will be with me in paradise.

Do you need that assurance in life?

Are you at the point in your life where it may seem to be
going good, but you are not assured of what would happen to you or where you
would go if you faced death today?

Have you asked Christ into your life but you are continuing
to live on your own path because it seems to be easier?

Are you a free person in Christ but still, like I was,
living in the bonds of sin and shame?

So, I asked the question, WHO will bear my shame? Jesus
says, I already have. I took it all and hung it to the cross. Do you need to
lay your baggage at the foot of the cross? Do you need some relief from what is
weighing you down in life?

There is power and hope in the death and resurrection of a
Living Savior. He’s waiting, my friend, for you to take His hand. He says seek
and you will find. Knock and the door will be answered.

Christ came to seek and save the lost. He came for people
like me and you.

If you are in need of forgiveness today, take it to the
cross. God laid down His life there to save you from your past, present, and
future. All you have to do is ask for forgiveness.

If you have questions about how to heal a broken relationship
between you and God, let me know. I would love to have a conversation with you
about this. You can send me an e-mail at youresewtrendy@gmail.com.

If you already have a relationship with Christ, please take
a moment to pray for others that may be reading this right now. Please share
some encouraging words below in the comments sections and please SHARE the hope
with your friends.

Any comments and questions can also be left anonymous, so please reach out and take that next step.
I Love this song from Crowder! I hope that you enjoy it and may you be lifted by the Almighty!

The post Who Will Bear My Shame? Part 3 appeared first on Seeking God with Jaime Wiebel.

Who Will Bear My Shame, Part 2

Jaime Wiebel — Fri, 27 Mar 2015 06:43:00 +0000

If you missed my last post Who Will Bear My Shame, Part 1, follow
this link for the beginning of story.

My journey may not be as long as others but it has been
filled with many lessons that have made me who I am today. It has been filled
with a God that would not let me go, and a God that knew I needed all the grace
and mercy He could pour out on my past, present, and future.

God had many plans for me and it seemed that none of them were
on my list so far. I was in my mid-twenties, childless, single, and jobless. I
had just left my beautiful paradise home on Oahu and was heading back to the
Midwest to move back in with my parents.
Is this sounding like anyone’s fairy tale they dreamed of as a little
girl?

Not only had my life not been going as I had planned or
expected, I was carrying a lot of baggage that I had accumulated over the
years. I would have loved to throw it all out as I flew over the deep blue
Pacific Ocean and get a fresh start in my life. Getting rid of your sins is apparently
not that easy and it was something that God had to work out in me.

I could present myself as this good Christian girl but deep
down inside the pain and agony of shame, fear, worthlessness, regret, and
disappointment were weighing me down. As I continued to suppress all those
feelings inside they just became larger than I could take care of on my own.

When I moved back to the mainland, things seemed to be turning
around for me. I was quickly offered a teaching job. I began attending church
again. I was spending a lot of time with my family and I was really discovering
who I wanted to be, so I thought.

Shortly after being here a teacher friend of mine asked me
to go on a blind with her husband’s good friend. I quickly said, “No.”

I was on a mission to discover who I was and not what or who
any guy told me I was. I really wanted to become my own self without any
attachments. I already had an image of myself and that was looking pretty bleak
and downright disappointing.

My 28th birthday was approaching. My friend had
asked me several times to go out as a group with her and her husband so I broke
down and said yes. By this time I seemed to really know what I wanted for
myself. I wanted a turn around.

We went on a blind date. Many of you may be groaning right
now. I know it could have been pretty disastrous, it wasn’t bad but I told
myself I probably wouldn’t go out with him again. However, he called me back with
a plan and to make a long story short, I am happy to say I am married to an
amazing man and we

will be celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary
this year.

Our relationship didn’t start out quite as I would have
hoped. We went out a lot with friends and I was back into my lifestyle of doing
whatever made us happy at the moment. We were happy. We had great times together
but they were not all my proudest moments.

Several months after we got married my baggage really
started weighing me down. Here I was with a really great guy and I had so many
regrets in my life. Let me start by explaining with a little story.

When I was teaching there was a guest speaker for the school
district. I am not exactly sure what he was about. Maybe he was there for me or
I guess it might have been for the kids. He was talking to the kids about
purity and giving themselves someday to their mate.

He stood in front of all the kids and held up this beautiful
red rose and said something like this. “This is you. You are beautiful. There
are many layers to you and each one of them is very special. However, each time
you give yourself to someone, you lose a little bit of yourself.” As he said
this he was peeling away pieces of the rose. He continued to talk about doing
different things in life and each time he would peel away another petal. By the
time he got done with his story, the rose was just a stem, the center, and a
few petals.

Then he continued, “Someday you will meet the mate that you
want to be with. What will you offer them? Will there be just pieces of you or
will you offer them your whole beautiful self?”

This is exactly how I felt all the time. Here I was in a new
marriage and I felt like all I had to offer this amazing man were pieces that
were left of me. This was completely me. He had told me early on that he didn’t
care about my past because it made me who I was. I really loved him for that reassurance.

Slowly, I began to break. I had come into this marriage with
all this excess baggage and I had not figured out any way to get rid of it.
What I didn’t know at the time was God was beginning to make me whole but
before he could get me there I had to stand and face Him. I had to look Him in
the eye.

I relate to Peter here in the beginning of Luke 22:61 which reads: At that moment, the Lord turned and looked at Peter.

Peter said he would never deny Him Lord, but the Lord knew Peter would get weary and fall away. When I was young, I remember sitting at church camp and promising to live a life that was pleasing to God. Now here I was, afraid to look Him in the eye. Running this way and that just so I wouldn’t have to face Him. Here He was, looking me in the eye, undaunted by my life, and ready to pour out some grace and mercy so I could be more glorifying to Him.

Come back Sunday to read more of this story. Maybe you need to face your King today and you no longer want to do it with your head bowed in shame. Maybe you have no idea what I am talking about but you know you need something different than what you have, please come back for the rest of the story. It will be worth your time. In the mean time if you want to know what it means to have a relationship with Christ you can read, Who Loves a Good Rescue Story, Part 1 and Who Loves a Good Rescue Story, Part 2.

Until then, I will be praying that the Lord will do a work in you and pour out His mercy and grace onto your life.

The post Who Will Bear My Shame, Part 2 appeared first on Seeking God with Jaime Wiebel.

Shame Can No Longer Bury Me: Today I Am Living Free

Jaime Wiebel — Mon, 23 Mar 2015 20:49:00 +0000

The Lies I Told Myself

For years I told myself as long as I accepted Christ, I was free to do whatever I wanted. I had gotten my ticket into Heaven and I was free.

But as I came into my twenties and early thirties, my Shame began to bury me deep underneath the lies I had told myself.

The bigger problem was I had enough Bible knowledge to lie to myself and everyone around me, but not enough to truly live free in Christ.

For years I had been “Following Jesus”. What does that even mean? Many people today claim to be Christians but they don’t really follow Jesus. I
know what that looks and feels like; I was one of those people for many many years.

Recently, I heard someone on the radio say, “If all of the evidence of your life was gathered, would there be enough evidence to prove you
are a Christian.”

For me, the sad answer was NO!

Playing the Game

I could play the game as most people do. Go to church on the weekends and live for me the rest of the week. I knew all the great stories inside and out and I could have great theological conversations.

The world will tell us to follow our hearts and follow our dreams and that is exactly what I did. What made me happy or what appeared to make me happy at the time was where I went.

If you are a follower of Christ those worldly mantras couldn’t be further from what Christ calls us to do as Christians. They are lies and ones that look pretty on wall hangings and T-shirts but can leave us feeling ugly.

Jeremiah 17:9 tells us “The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?

My heart told me things like it didn’t matter who I was with as long as I was happy. My heart told me that it didn’t matter what my behavior was with them as long as I was happy. The lies of my heart even told me it didn’t matter what

but if we are followers of Christ that is sometimes very far from the truth of
Living for Christ. Let me explain by sharing a bit of my
life with you.

If you read my blog post titled “The
No-Plan Plan, Part 1 and The
God Plan, Part 2” you can see my salvation story. I accepted Christ when I was twelve years old. I was soon baptized and later became a member of our church. Shortly after that, I came into my teenage years. Many of you that are grown know the rebellion and the heart ache that comes along with being a teenager. I was no different and spent a lot of my life following my own heart

These two verses could summarize a lot of my
life, denying my Lord and being afraid He would look me eye while doing it.

Luke 22:34 But
Jesus said, “Peter, let me tell you something. Before the rooster crows three
times tomorrow morning, you will deny three times that you even know me.”

Luke 22:61 At
that moment the Lord turned and looked at Peter. Then Peter remembered at that
the Lord had said, “Before the rooster crows tomorrow morning, you will deny
three times that you even know me.”

I began doing many things that I am not proud of. I was
hanging out with a crowd of really great people but when I was with them I
often did things that deep down inside felt wrong. The reality is that I never felt peer
pressured to do those things because they were things that I did out of my own
sinful nature and my own personal desires. It was even to the point that I was sometimes
putting myself in real danger.

I went through my high school and college years continuing
to live on my own path. After five years of college and a double major in Early
Childhood and Elementary Education I was sure that I would have no trouble
finding a job.

I spent one year as a substitute teacher in my hometown. With no prospects
for employment I decided to move to a bigger city and seek employment there.
After several really promising interviews, I ended up subbing again. When
subbing wasn’t paying the bills, I had to seek full time employment completely out
of my field. Sound familiar to anyone?

All this time I was trying to figure my life out
on my own. I am a very independent person and thought that if any trouble arose;
I could figure it out no matter the situation. I did what I wanted to do with
no real strings attached or so I falsely believed.

I ended up moving 5000 miles away to a beautiful island
called Oahu. Completely clueless what life would bring me, I thought that I was
moving for a job but in reality I was moving away from my life. I thought that
I would find a perfect life if I got far away from my real life. With two
suitcases, a one way ticket, a hotel reservation, and a job, I left for the
beautiful city of Waikiki.

At first glance, everything seemed like a real paradise. The
ocean, the palm trees, 5000 miles away from reality…

The problem with always
trying to seek happiness in the things of this world is there are so many
disappointments along the way. I had made many poor choices in my move there.
Not necessarily in the move itself, but in the choice to move with someone. We were
both moving out the convenience of running away from reality and that turned into
a lot of hate between the two of us.

Here was the thing. I had lived my life up to that point
doing everything that I wanted to do. I would call myself a Christian but my
life showed nearly zero evidence of a real faith in Christ. My disastrous
decisions and being in “paradise” weren’t enough to cover up that lie that I
continued to tell myself.

You know the lie. It is the same one that we are constantly
being feed. If we follow our heart and our dreams, if we are happy, then we are
making the right choices and everything will work out for good. I don’t want to
disappoint anyone but that lie has real consequences.

This is how the devil works. He will fill your head full of lies;
he will promise you the world and even give it to you. There is just one catch.
You have to follow him and live life for yourself, which really means for him.

The
problem is he cannot promise to ease your mind or the trap you may find yourself
in. In fact, after all of the lies he will begin to cover you in the dirt you
dug out of your own pit. He will tell you how awful you are and how this is all you will
ever deserve.

For some of you who may not understand what that statement
means, let me be real frank with you. You have two choices in life. You can go
on the path that Christ has planned for you or you can go on your own path and
live for yourself. You can be a slave to
the devil and his work. The latter was the path that I was choosing.

I was choosing my own desires and it led to so many feelings
of guilt, shame, resentment, fear, and worthlessness. In the process, I was
denying my Lord.

The thought that I lived with for years was this, if I keep
going on my path, never look over my shoulder (literally), I will never really face
the Lord and all the offenses I had and was committing against Him. I knew that
He was there watching over me which made the things I was doing feel so much worse.
I gave Him a front row seat to my own selfishness. I honestly thought to myself,
if I keep going straight ahead and never look back, I will never have to face
my sin. I was in absolute denial for a very long time.

If this sounds confusing, answer this question. Have you
ever done something, possibly pretty bad, to someone that you really love? The last thing you may want to do is see that
person, talk to that person, or maybe even face that person. You know the
moment you see them there will be some hard feelings or possibly even a serious
consequence to what you have done. So you avoid them, at all cost.

This was me, and as I stood before my Lord it was easier not
to face Him or look Him in the eye. What I was really avoiding was not facing
all my shame and sin. My life was standing before me and it was in serious turbulence.
When I left my Hawaiian paradise, I felt inside that I was at the pit of my
life and I was ready to escape it.

I started packing my heavy baggage. In went, the guilt, shame,
resentment, fear, and worthlessness, covered in a facade of living a great
life. The only thing left to do was head for home. Over the next several years my Lord, who would
never leave me or forsake me, began to pour out His grace and mercy. He had much
bigger plans for me.

My great Lord had many blessings waiting for
me and He has them for you, too. If you are carrying any extra baggage, pack it
up, come back and see how we can unpack it and live for the hope of a brighter
tomorrow.

The post Shame Can No Longer Bury Me: Today I Am Living Free appeared first on Seeking God with Jaime Wiebel.